.17 nod

...and before i start, let me just say that i've got to credit a certain miss. k.b. for this one...


so, nod.
or, more precisely,
the land of nod.

the footnote tells me that
'nod'
means wandering.

which gets me thinking.

it gets me thinking,
"...just because i'm wandering, doesn't mean i'm lost",
right?

i guess not.
i guess it just means,
you're in the land of nod.

you're wandering,
you're searching,
you're poking
and prodding
and shifting kind of uneasily from one foot to the other.
you're browsing
but not buying,
or buying
but not wearing,
or even wearing,
but not cutting the label off just in case because it says 28 days on the receipt.

28 days.
28 days in the land of nod.


and what would the difference be?
what would it change
if you trim off that label
and tear up that receipt
and quit your wandering.

..?

to make the choice,
to cross the line,
and then sign it in indellible ink,
then turning,
not even pausing to check if the scribble is dry
because you can't wait to sprint off
happy and gay and innocent
to discover what flamboyant delights are offered
in your newfoundland,
your now-opened gift,
your home.

having exitted your land of nod.


you see,
nod is ok.
nod is new,
nod is new.

and, come to think of it,
nod is necessary.

to get an answer,
or a conclusion,
the questioning
and investigating
and deciding
must,
oh must
exist.
indeed,
they must come first.
this is no chicken or egg scenario.
you can't cut out these, baby.
no obsoletion.

if you try,
what you're left with,
is textbook regurgitation,
pure and simple.
an inherited credo.
a faked name.

worth nothing in the eyes of meaning.


so the land of nod it is then.
but not forever.
not even for long.
the returns policy on that receipt has a limit, rememeber?


i remember.
and it makes me scared.
i know i can't remain in this land forever.
i like the wandering,
the aimless wandering,
the investing without responsibility,
the action without the cause
or worry about the consequence,
the staying up until tomorrow
because tomorrow doesn't matter
and who cares if i don't finish or complete or pass
as i'm not paying the price.
yet.


this wandering.
this land of nod.

this receipt in my hand.