.43 conceive

currently listening to
true,
tom tykwer, johnny klimek and reinhold heil
[from the faubourg saint-denis scene in paris je t'aime]

cold,
so cold.


but in my mind i am free to imaginate
beyond my eyes that just see these adverts
for male breast reduction and female breast enlargement.


in my head i hear the sounds of your silent music
while i wait for your conception
(or, shall i say, re-conception).


the wait is so long
so hard
so cold


please, i ask


it's been good,
i'd said

before i left

damn

ah well...
i suppose history cannot be rewritten in hindsight.



and so now i wait by the phone
butterflies dancing on the outer window sill
they can't get in


this deprave life
shakespeare's base
baseness, bastardy, base, base
a hooded head
yet hands cannot conceal
that my face is breaking
splitting
segmenting


waiting,
pregnant waiting -


it will come.



j'espère?